Pour It Out: What I'm learning about friendship and community in adulthood

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my friendships.

Not the “we-should-catch-up-sometime” kind, but the ones that anchor you, the friends who’ve seen you through different seasons, who know the quiet pauses in your voice, who show up when the words run out. I’ve been asking myself: What does it really take to maintain adult friendships in the middle of life’s noise? Am I showing up for my people? Are they still showing up for me?

It’s not a question born of disappointment—it’s born of longing. Because if I’m honest, some of the friendships that once felt effortless now require a bit more courage. More planning. More grace. More vulnerability. And somewhere between work meetings, life transitions, and long WhatsApp voice notes left half-listened, I’ve realized this: the friendships I want to grow in this season require intention.

And that’s where Sweet Magnolias found me.

The Fiction That Felt Like My Life

If you haven’t watched Sweet Magnolias on Netflix, it’s a gentle drama about three lifelong friends (Maddie, Helen, and Dana Sue) navigating the complexities of love, family, and womanhood in their charming town of Serenity. But beyond the warm aesthetics and comforting storytelling, something in this series tugged at a deep place in me.

In one scene, the women sit down for their weekly margarita night and simply say, “Pour it out.” That’s it. No long speeches. No pressure. Just an invitation to be real.

That phrase stayed with me. Because isn’t that what so many of us need in adulthood? A safe space to pour it out. A circle that listens without fixing. Friends who hold your truth, even when it’s messy.

The Friendships Worth Choosing—Again and Again

In their book Big Friendship, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman remind us, “Big Friendship is what happens when you choose each other over and over—even when life pulls you in different directions.” The test of a meaningful relationship is not the absence of distance or change, but the willingness to keep showing up, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.

Adulthood, I’ve learned, is a masterclass in drifting apart. One friend has kids. Another moves cities. Someone’s in grad school, someone’s newly divorced, someone else is silently grieving. And yet, the strongest friendships are not the ones untouched by life’s changes, but the ones that withstand them. The ones where we say, "I still choose you," even when the rhythm gets off-beat.

It reminded me of another line from Sweet Magnolias:

“Friendship isn’t always easy. It’s a choice we make over and over again.”

That word choice changed everything for me.

Showing Up Is Sacred

One of the best books I read this year was The Art of Showing Up by Rachel Wilkerson Miller. She writes:

“We often think we need to say the right thing. But more often, we just need to say something. To show up.”

That quote humbled me. I realized how many times I’ve hesitated to reach out to a friend in a hard moment because I didn’t have the perfect words. But the truth is, your presence is often more healing than your poetry.

Another Sweet Magnolias quote comes to mind: “You don’t need to have it all figured out right now.”Sometimes, we’re all just figuring it out together. And maybe friendship, in adulthood, means having someone beside you while the pieces are still falling into place.

Community Doesn’t Just Happen

As I kept thinking about friendship, the conversation widened to community. Not just the people you text, but the ones who form your inner circle and wider web: your book club, your prayer group, your Saturday brunch people, the colleagues who know your coffee order.

I recently picked up The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, and one line gripped me:

“The best gatherings don’t just happen; they are carefully, passionately, thoughtfully designed.”

That made me realize that community doesn’t form by chance—it forms by effort. We have to curate it. Create it. Sustain it. Just like Maddie, Dana Sue, and Helen in Sweet Magnolias—who choose, week after week, to sit down together, pour their hearts out, and be each other’s safe place.

“We lift each other up. That’s what we do.” – Sweet Magnolias

What I Want in This Season

I want the kind of friendships that say, “I am not broken. I’m just figuring things out.” I want people who see my becoming and love me in it. And more than anything, I want to be that kind of friend too.

Because the truth is, real friendship and community in adulthood are not side dishes—they’re the feast. They’re how we survive the chaos, celebrate the quiet wins, and remember who we are.

So, I’m learning to make space. To show up. To pour it out. And to keep choosing my people, again and again.

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Your Turn:

• Who are the people you’re choosing in this season?

• When was the last time you invited someone to just “pour it out”?

• What kind of community are you cultivating?

Let’s talk about it. We weren’t made to do life alone.

‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. 𝓐𝓷𝓷𝓲𝓮  ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.